UpHeaval

[Scotti]

Hi Everyone!

I'm so pleased I've found this group. I started Holosync in July 2007. When I first experienced it, I felt like someone had given me the keys to the candy store. It was the first time I felt truly happy in almost 10 years. I had a wonderful six-eight months. It was true bliss.

I read everything I could get my hands on and never missed my meditation.

About six months ago, I graduated to Awakening Level 1. I had very little upheaval in The Awakening Prologue but now...it's so bad I don't want to touch it with a ten-foot pole. I'm forcing myself to do it.

I've employed every technique Bill Harris teaches...including controlling what I focus on and being the "observer."

My two friends started Holosync at the same time I did. Both also had major unheaval with Awakening Level 1. But I don't think they're having as much as I have now.

I'm quite convinced it's upheaval from Holosync. I've been tracking my moods and feelings. Every time I do an hour meditation...(I'm still falling asleep sometimes)...I get severely depressed.

My life situation changed last year. In March 2008, I left my home and job and relocated to another state to be with my Dad. My reason for leaving was to get out of a very bad relationship. My therapist said if I didn't she wouldn't treat me anymore (and ended up not treating me anyway) but I couldn't continue in the situation I was in.

I was, however, in no way prepared for this. After a few months of being suicidal, I settled in and was doing okay. A far cry from where I was in July 2007, but I had peace and serenity.

Then I let my ex come visit for the holidays...it pushed every button I had...by the time he left, I was suicidal again.

Holosync used to be my saving grace. I've struggled with depression since i lost my husband in 1997. But I really believe Bill Harris' promises..."dysfunctional behavior will slip away."

I don't want to give up because I'm not 100% sure it's not "situational depression." I want the benefits but not all this bloody pain. For almost 8 weeks, I've walked around feeling like someone hit me in the solar plexes with a 2 x 4. When I stopped meditating, it let up.

I'm still getting incredible "ah-ha" moments. Yet, it's not going to matter if I end up killing myself.

Has any one experienced upheaval to this degree...or prolonged upheaval with Awakening I?

Any comment or insights are greatly appreciated!!! I'm thick-skinned so please don't hesitate to give me your most honest insight.

Again - it's great to have found you all!

[First Feather]

Hi Scotti...have you contacted support at Centerpointe? I probably experienced the most upheaval (so far) on level 1...I'm now on level 3...but it wasn't to the degree that you are talking about. Is there a reason you have not contacted another therapist where you live now? You could very well be right in that it may not all be the H/S....welcome Scotti

[Scotti]

Thanks so much for responding to my post. I really appreciate it.

Yes, I contacted Centerpointe support. The counseling me extensively on becoming "the witness." They are really fabulous and have spent an inordinate amount of time with me. I definately know how to get in that state now. But...still.

I'm really glad to know you had a lot of upheaval on Level 1...even if its not as bad as mine. I didn't contact another therapist because in my 47 years...I've yet to find one who has been through what I've been through or who is half-way "conscious."

I have friends to talk to. I just have never gotten value for my money - period. I'm sure its not 100% holosync..but no one can explain the direct correlation. Not even Centerpointe. It may be something I just have to push through.

I so appreciate your comments.

[Frank]

Scotti,

A couple of ideas; do you have affirmations on your AL1 CD's? I am of the opinion that affirmations could cause some distress if it's conflicting with your steadfast beliefs.

The other thing is I've seen a post by someone on another forum indicating that atypical type depression could be triggered by certain brainwave frequencies. I don't know if it's true or not, just something I came across. I believe that person put H/S on the shelf until she felt better and then went back to it and the depression returned. Maybe coincidental, but why not try that same approach and see what happens for yourself.

If you want to continue, you may want to try falling asleep to H/S when you retire at night. The strength of the program is suppose to be less since the brainwave patterns of sleep interrupt it.

[Tess]

Scotti,
Another thing you may be facing is perimenopause. It's pretty common, and not to be taken lightly! Hormones are mighty powerful.. might be worth getting your levels checked.

[Scotti]

That's an understatement. It's been on my list to do and I got side-tracked over the holidays. I'm definately having those issues though.

Thanks so much for your reply!!! I like everything everyone has had to say...

[Scotti]

Thank you so much for replying...wow! I really appreciate it!!

I do have affirmations...and I think you're probably right...I've done a lot of personal development work ...working through a lot of my beliefs. It's certainly entirely possible.

I surely didn't have this kind of upheaval with Prologue. I loved AP....it was like a drug!! I always felt better. Very interesting thought...I will try using it before bed. It may work better...especially since I seem to get more depressed later in the day and at night. It might just do the trick..thank you!!

I'm going to research brainwave frequencies and atypical depression..but it would seem to me that if that were it, I would have experienced it in AP too.

Thank you so much for your insight! I so appreciate!!

[Frank]

Scotti,

I am removing my affirmations off my next level in favor of releasing questions based on the Sedona Method. I think releasing techniques are great.

Another type of effective releasing is EFT. Don't know if you're familiar with it. There is a very good instructional site with free videos (including one on Depression) at www.Tapping.com.

To illustrate the power of EFT, here is a tremendous video I recommend everyone would watch on applying EFT to our War Veterans suffering from PTSD and many other problems. Ever bit worth watching...

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6887426238803490578&ei=...

Frank

[Tess]

Yep, good video Frank.
I was astounded and surprised (and still am, actually) at how well EFT works.. with little or no previous practice.

[Scotti]

I do and love both...I have a ton of EFT videos (and taught myself) and the new Sedona...but I haven't done the new course..still in the box...

I did the old one a few years back.

EFT really does help and it's a God-send. It especially works well when I can get the issue right..sometimes I'll tap around the issue...lol...but it amazes me how many people I talk to that complain..and won't try it for all the tea in China. I'm so glad I did.

[Scotti]

I'm getting it out now. I forgot...I used this CD all the time when I was doing Awakening Prologue. I used to love Making Change Easy and "You can talk to your DNA..."..another favorite.

Thanks so much..I had totally forgotten about this!

[Scotti]

Thanks for such an interesting perspective.

No, despite requests...I don't feel the family of origin stuff was effectively addressed by any therapist. I did, however, take some courses that were based on Adelarian (sp?) psychology that were outstanding. I made 5-years-worth-of-therapy type progress but I still have issues......obviously...:-D

I was adopted at birth, lost my adopted family through divorce at 11, lost my husband, and this relationship as well.

I think the loss of my husband was both grief and depression. It was a devastating loss because I had built a life in his country and came home and had to rebuild from scratch. It was both challenging and rewarding.

Yep. I've got some abandonment issues without a doubt.

I think this relocation made them even worse. I got out of the covert abuse..but the abuser is now living with my "second adopted family" in Florida. When I was in college, I lived with my college roommate's family and they are like a second family to me. I've asked them to give him a deadline to leave but they are the kind of people who cannot deal with confrontation at all.

These are very helpful questions. It feels good to write this out. Very cathartic.

Thank you so much for your input. Will definately look into it.

[Chrissy]

Scotti from what I have read you are on the right track just with your appreciation of everyones replies! The Grattitude thing is immense, I feel thankful to be on the same planet as just one person so thankful as you.

Keep working through the upheaval

I always thought I had no upheaval (on AL2) but the changes are gradual, I am more aware than before and certainly go through the times where I have to force myself to holosync as the thought of it sometimes makes me want to go back to sleep but perseverance pays off

Love Chrissy