Starting AL4 and Checking In

[remembering]

Hi everyone. I’ve been lurking lately, following everyone’s great posts though.

I’m just starting AL4 Dive plus Immersion after a month on Dive only. Whew, overwhelm started right in. I’m learning so much about “myself“. There’s no room for peace, love and joy right now. There is a huge amount of anger. I’m watching it; I don’t want to do anything to stop it for fear of just repressing it back into those dark recesses. Once in a while it tries to dip into hopelessness but that I won’t allow. There is no way I will go back there again.

I’ve known anger was within for many years but I think I’ve finally opened the door and the fire breathing dragon has been waiting for me. This has been going on for about a week; today I’m feeling somewhat lighter. It’s like I’m mad at everyone, ok, maybe I haven’t owned my anger. I’ve always tried to be nice, understanding and give people the benefit of the doubt, trying to put myself in their shoes, making excuses. You know, the way nice people act.

Luckily I’m not venting on anyone except maybe some on my partner. It’s like all the things that ever irritated me about others, and I tried to (repress) talk myself into peace and calm over, are coming out. This is all ok, this is big. I expect a real breakthrough into being the more genuine self that I gave up long ago due to the loneliness of the state. I want to try it again, only this time I’ll be more aware…might not need much company…I’m ok on my own now. Hope this helps someone else as they go through the levels.

[Que Sera Sera]

Hey There Remembering~~

I had always heard that AL4 was a big time mover in many ppls lives. It made me really look forward to using.

I heard similiar experiences as well. Still zipp and nadda for me when it comes to upheavel. If anything I seem to keep getting in a better place each time. I have small moments of sadness :( ever so slight tho. I believe all the other things that I have incorporated in my 2 year + adventure plays a significant role. One important thing is really loving who I am and trusting/believing in my abilites. I just started the last cd of AL4. I also started doing gong baths. I have a feeling this last gong bath is also serving a great role in how I have been feeling lately... which I would not trade for anything.

Trust me I do have some pretty (what ppl would call "heavy funky stuff" or "life situations" going on in my life but I seem to be doing a great job so far in handling it :)

I am not hear to brag at all. I wish much greatness and states of love & happiness to all of you. I just think in all fairness that others here reading these posts should know you dont have to go thru a downward spiral to go upward.

My wish for you Remembering and anyone else that struggles is that your road becomes significantly lighter and more peaceful.


Big Hugs!

qss

PS Read my posts about Gong Baths

[elonblock]

Remembering,

I for one appreciate your sharing and honesty in regards to your experience.

You said:
"I’ve always tried to be nice, understanding and give people the benefit of the doubt, trying to put myself in their shoes, making excuses. You know, the way nice people act."

Let's play a little game of devils advocate and start off with a couple of questions. Is that really the way that nice people act? Define "nice"?:-) LOL

I ask because I am feeling "rammy" this morning and am in the mood to stir things up a little.Going through a bit of overwhelm myself at the moment with my new level. And you know how misery loves company?:-)

From my experience, it sounds like you are on the verge, or right in the middle of a major breakthrough! Your awareness regarding what you are experiencing and feeling will also serve and support you in a major way.Be kind to yourself.

Elon

[remembering]

Eldon - Ya know… your question crossed my mind while I was writing the post but I didn’t stop to think about why that little message of wisdom came through. You caught it and pinned it down though : ).

What is a nice person and how do they act? It’s on the white paper with the rules of conduct that parents, school, church and society hand to most of us while we’re growing up.

Maybe well balanced would be better to shoot for; someone who owns all the facets of their mind. I always thought that ‘they’ would never tame me, but alas I find that I have become the pet monkey acting as instructed. I am becoming more aware of that fact and plan my escape in slow steady increments. I wouldn’t mind a few major breakthroughs though. Something tells me you have a great escape plan. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Hope your ramminess benefits you! >: )

[Paul_36]

SO,
I also wonder about different degrees of consciousness. I am finishing Level 3 tomorrow and, like Remember commented, I feel that 'comfy settled' feeling at the moment. These posts seem to be mentally preparing me for what is to come in Level 4...possibly (I know that everyone's experience, of course, is a little different). But as far as the differing degrees question... I can attest to deepening levels of peace that I feel as I go through each level. The last couple of days it's like I'm in constant gratitude for the profound peace I seem to be feeling. Yet, somehow, I am having dreams of driving my car and my brakes not working. (I googled this and, as u might have guessed, the interpretation is that of feeling 'out of control' in one's life). I feel out of control because I feel like I am changing so damn quickly. Bill was right..."after two years of using the program, my guess is that you'll look back and not recognize who you were." I LOOK different for Godsakes...it's really incredible.

I wanted to also quickly comment on "anger". My experience with H/S so far has had me dealing with anger through every single level so far. Anger, blame, and resentment I know all too well at this point in my journey. Just recently I am truly beginning to see the people in my life that "upset me" or with whom I haven't seen "eye to eye" are here to show me the darkness I still have inside. In the last two weeks (I think thanks to Guy Finley's teachings), I have made 180 degree turn in this area of life. I have finally forgiven my father and now see him as a blessing for showing me where I need to let go and mature. Level 4 should be really interesting in regards to emotional upheaval...i feel like i've been though so much already. Tears of worry, tears of fear...I've been through it all ....crying into pillows... I truly now see tears as a very positive thing in my life. They clear the fog. When I'm weeping, I am conscious in the moment that I am growing and I'm somehow very much at peace even when I'm going "through it".


You guys? We rock! We really do rock.

Much peace and love,
Paul

[remembering]

Paul 36 - It sounds like there is a parallel with us. Anger, blame, and resentment I know them well. I too feel like crying is healthy. It’s nature’s way of dissipating excess energy. After a good cry I feel refreshed, clear headed and able to act. Seems like I’ve attached the idea to crying that it is having a pity party; a poor me; a hopeless attitude: life has beat me down. Well…what’s wrong with that once in a while? I’m aware that I was taught the ‘crying is weak’ twisted rule of conduct. I admire sensitive people, like my partner, he can cry when called for. I wish I could do it more.

On the subject of forgiveness, I’ve been working on true forgiveness for many years. I forgive and forgive as best I can and later for no apparent reason here comes the anger, blame and resentment popping into my consciousness. Might I be expecting that it will go away, when the trick could be to welcome it as part of the everyday mind and change my focus to a higher mind? Would that be ignoring something that could be looked at as an old friend? I don’t know.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~ Rumi ~

[Paul_36]

Hi Remembering,

Great poem by Rumi!! Yes, I think there's a parallel, too.

I think it's wise to expect these 'visitors' to show up time and again, as you say, and not wish them to never come back at all. Noticing their presence is probably best. What has been helping me lately when those feelings of resentment, blame, and anger arise is consciously seeing the person (with whom I've directed my feelings upon) as a gift. I mean, what am I spending so much time doing things like HS for anyway? Growth. I want to let go of the things that have kept me "locked up". What better way could there be than to use these times, these moments as golden opportunities to become more enlightened? THANK God for these people who show us where there is still darkness in us.

(I'm just about to throw on the cans to start my 1st day of LvL 4!)

Paul

[remembering]

Hi QSS - I value your experiences with Holosync and other practices. You remind me that we are all different and there is no way to measure what’s going on in this human consciousness. Isn’t it odd that all these paths lead to the top of the mountain. Happy to hear that you’re hopping over most of the rocky places and enjoying the scenery. More power to you.

[remembering]

Hi Stalking Owl - I’ve noticed from reading your posts that there is a delightful transformation going on in you. I appreciate being included in your journey.

This AL4 is by far the most remarkable level for me so far. AL3 was a little rough to get into but once there it was slow progress, ending with a nice comfy, settled feeling. The anger is like a general all pervasive attitude toward ‘my’ existence in general, luckily not a downward spiral into hopelessness, although it does drift through once in a great while. If anything it’s on the verge of refreshing; kind of like “lets clean house“. Like seeing through the games I’ve been playing. And another thing that is making an impression on me is that the witness sees me acting in ways that are totally embarrassing when around others; like trying to please so they will like me. I know the idea is to not judge, just watch…but really…what am I thinking. I hope that, as Bill and others suggest awareness is the death toll for an unhealthy action. I’m happy to say this doesn’t extend to my doggies or the natural world. I think my dogs can read my mind, but they still approve of me with all my strange human behavior.

One thing that happened during AL3 is, I stood up in front of a large group, with total self possession, and voiced my question without thinking much about how I appeared to them. It raised the eyebrows of those who knew me well and in hindsight surprised me too.

[remembering]

GWW - Thanks for responding to my post. You write with much clarity. It takes a big weight off my shoulders when I stop trying to get rid of my inner truth and celebrate the fact that it’s here. Even if it doesn’t fit in with what I’ve been lead to believe was the way to find peace in life. Buzz, wrong it really doesn’t work for me in the way they said it would. The dragon wants to be recognized and used. Idle hands are the devils workshop (or something like that)

I do see myself being pulled into others insanity, after the fact, even though I know what’s happening I just don’t step back and push the off button. Hopefully giving the dragon a little more gratitude will help it to release the overabundance of energy that it shoots out at combustible situations. It won’t be easy; a good fire burns away the dross. I’m ready for my wise dragon to take over though.

[remembering]

Wind Walker - what a beautiful name. Thank you for your sincere post. I’m taking your techniques to express excess anger very seriously. I printed them out this morning and sat down to think about them.

Coincidence? I watched Dances with Wolves last night on PBS. It was easy to remember the primordial places within that would love to dance round a fire again. How fitting that the unconsciousness of the soldiers was portrayed as killing the beautiful things. It seemed ok that the Indians killed the unconscious ones though.

I appreciate you sharing the things that have served you well on your path.

[Raindancer]

Did anyone other than myself understand Bill Harris to say in his blog this last week that while that may be true for meditation, it isn't true for Holosync?

I don't currently have ample experience to say one way or the other...

[remembering]

…and to reach a place within you where you already know, just as I know, and where the truth is recognized when it is heard. There is then a feeling of exaltation and heightened aliveness, as something within you says: “Yes. I know this is true.” E. Tolle