Since attending the Vipassana Course -- 1 month

[Larry Bish]

Observing Myself

I seem to have essentially replaced Holosync (passive acceptance) with Vipassana meditation (active acceptance). Vipassana meditation is all about observing sensation. This starts with observing your breath, something I'd heard about long ago. What I've realized since I began practicing is that observing yourself is observing yourself, and it might be the key to observing everything; to understanding that everything that exists, exists within you, that you are the universe you are moving towards, trying to discover. This isn't so easy to talk about. The only way I can come up with is metaphorical analogy. Is that right? Anyway, this post is more or less off the top of my head (with a little editing, probably not enough, so I apologize in advance.)

I've begun to use my computer as a replacement for television. This is really no better or worse than turning on the network stations and passively sitting there in mind-numbing oblivion after a day of the mind numbing tedium with which we have within in my lifetime replaced back-breaking labor; in other words, what the majority of Americans have done with their free time for almost as long as I can remember. As I do this I observe myself agreeing, disagreeing, taking the subject seriously, not seriously, finding it interesting, boring, believable or laughable or whatever. But my point of reference has changed. I have reframed my experience. "I" no longer agree or disagree, but observe myself agreeing or disagreeing. This change of position removes me from the stage and places me in the audience-a much more advantageous position for one desiring a balanced view of the actors and their portrayals of their characters and, indeed, the theme, intention, message and entire set of the play and, most importantly, that it is a play. Nothing taking place on the stage actually is what it appears to be. The play is not reality but is, in fact, an illusion created by the people involved in it. In spite of the complexity of the illusion, it is still an interpretation of the reality it portrays. This allows me a more balanced view of my position in a given interaction. I am able to witness my own judgments, attitudes, words and actions with heightened equanimity. It is not possible to practice this by paying closer attention to who and what surrounds and engages me, the actor, the professional immersed in his role as the fictional character I have developed and mastered rendition of over my entire lifetime. This is what the Course in Miracles calls "trying to see light by looking more intently into darkness." By learning to observe myself I can view my performance from the perspective of that self I have buried under layers of self-protective, self indulgent, self promoting persona since early childhood; since I learned that life offers pleasures and position I can try to move toward and discomfort and pain I can try to avoid. This is the cause of the human condition, the reason for craving (addiction) and aversion (fear) and when I see this clearly I recognize the source of all suffering. I begin to understand what the sages mean by "know thyself."

Larry

[Nanban]

Hi Larry

Very well written. Definitely it is encouraging me to attend one of the Vipassana session. Thanks for sharing and please update this thread with your progress.

Nanban

[Jenni]

Thanks for sharing this Larry, you explained it beautifully. Very helpful.
I find holosync also gives me this active acceptance. It's like being two people. The me that watches the little, created me who is acting out the script. Pull out the popcorn... what a show. I'm glad we have so many wonderful flavors guiding each of us as we wake up to ourselves.

Jen