Let It Be OK or Witness Letting It Be OK?

[David Wheelock]

I am new to this Forum and appreciate its existence; meditation can be a lonely business if all I have to listen to is myself. I'm gobbling up the posts here. Lots of information, a lot of questions answered and a lot more posed I haven't thought of. But I haven't been able to read them all, so I apologize in advance if I am repeating prior posts.

I wonder about two approaches to practice, i.e., "let whatever happens be OK" and/or using formal meditation practice during Holosync sessions. For the first year of Holosync I just tried to last out the hour, challenge enough for my hyperactive brain. I think I hoped with Holosync I would end up with the same overall awareness as I did when I practiced formal meditation, peacefully ensconced in the present (no matter how unpeaceful the present might have been). This hasn't happened, at least not yet. While I understand that letting whatever happens be OK refers to the intense emotional challenges to who we think we are that come up, I also got the impression that it means I don't have to make any special effort myself, that the technology takes the effort out of my hands (or mind).

I came to Centerpointe with a history of meditation practice. At its peak, 25 years ago, I was practicing Vipassana (Insight) meditation three or four hours a day and going on occasional silent retreats. Those were the days I had time to do it all. The formal practice was following my breath as a primary focus and staying with wherever my mind wandered when it wandered as a secondary focus. The result was profound and simple. I still remember many incidents, all so mundane in their content, as if they were yesterday. While it all took a lot of time to do, it didn't matter because after a point it became all I wanted to do.

As an aside, the Insight Meditation practice has given me other benefits. It's Buddhism, a psychology, a systematic process of studying oneself, and an ethic to live by, a way of being in the world. While the precepts are difficult to live by (e.g., Tibetan monks, tortured for years by the Chinese, who felt no animosity whatsoever toward their torturers), practicing them could make me feel good about the way I treat myself and others. It seems to me this "spiritual" aspect of Buddhism dove tales well with the idea Bill Harris and Genpo Roshi present that what distracts us from this present moment is our shadow selves. Thus, the more I practice living in a way that is acceptable to me the less distracting shadow material is generated.

My question is this: Is it that if I listen to Holosync long enough I will end up in the same place as those cloistered monks, i.e., grounded in the present, whether my mind wanders or not, no matter what I do or don't do, as long as I don't resist whatever happens? Or do I get more out of my hour by practicing being aware of what's going on as it goes on? (Or is all this a monumental exercise in distraction, failing to see the forest through the trees, the awareness through the thought?)

[Elizabeth]

I think the answer is yes. How long have you been using holosync? It is possible because you are an advanced meditator that you may not notice these results you are looking for until the next level. What you described is how I feel during my sessions and have felt since the beginning.

You say, "My question is this: Is it that if I listen to Holosync long enough I will end up in the same place as those cloistered monks" this is bascially what Bill suggests at his web page.

Hang in there, you will get long lasting results.

[David Wheelock]

Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you very much for your response. Exactly what I was looking for. I've been dutifully doing 6 weeks on each level. By dutifully, I mean daily, baring extraordinary circumstances. Even occasionally twice daily at times. I'm working on Awakening Level 3, Disc 1. But, I confess! I've decided I will go 4 weeks with each disc at this level instead of 6 unless, of course, something significant begins to happen. That will start me at the beginning of 2010 on Level 4, what I think of as the Great Doubt level where everything seems to happen, which is where I believe (not without trepidation) I am ready to be. Even if nothing seems to happen I plan to stay with the program from level 4 on.

I flip between wondering if I have done the work and HS isn't having a significant effect yet because I need a higher level, and wondering if I it doesn't seem to be working because I am just strongly defended. If it's the latter, I know better than to believe that I need to try harder. Defenses are there for a purpose and they need to be faced carefully at a doable pace. But heavy defenses have their own tell tale signs and I'm pretty familiar with them.

So is Bill lurking at this website? Is he going to find out I'm cheating? Will he withhold the next level until I "deserve it"? Even in the humor of exaggeration I can see how part of me looks outside for the Answer. My intuition tells me I'm doing right and as long as I don't turn intuition into doctrine I'll survive and change.

Thank you very much for your thoughtful support.

David

[Lisa]

I agree with Elizabeth. I also think with your advanced self awareness from all that prior meditating that you can trust your higher self to guide you through making good decisions for yourself in terms of readiness for levels.

I am the opposite. I stay extra long on each level. It works for me, but then I've had no prior meditation experience and didn't consider myself to be a meditator. What attracted me to the program was a desire to release a lifetime habit of worry and fear. I hoped that it would help me lighten up a bit. There are people who've started after me who are way beyond me in the program. I'm okay with being the remedial meditator! ;-) So you can be okay with being a "gifted" meditator. No one knows you better than you, so you are the most qualified person to decide your readiness.

I just finished the LPIP program (also through Centerpointe) and have just begun it again. I find the combination of the practice of LPIP and Holosync has helped create some fabulous changes in me.

lisa

[David Wheelock]

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for the support. But instead of "remedial" and "gifted", I see it as from my pasture, your pasture looks like where I'd like to be. What is happening right now is what you want. You're getting in the present what you need and making good use of it. I'm looking several pastures away though the bleary morning haze of wanting and now-is-not-good-enough, a hungry ghost seeing a distortion of what's really ahead.

I just finished a 5-day silent retreat with Adyashanti at Omega Institute. He told a wonderful story of his first retreat. After studying with a teacher in her home he couldn't wait to get to a "real" retreat. Ready and waiting to settle into deep meditative states, at the sound of the first gong what started was, "I gotta get out of here, I gotta get out of here, I gotta get out of here..." That lasted the whole retreat. He said the only way he could survive it was to create a mantra: "Never again, never again, never again."

I was drawn to the retreat from the catalogue by the word "silent", as in "Five Day Silent Retreat". I'd never heard of Adaya. Besides, it was going to be silent; who cares? Then I saw the schedule: 1-3/4 hours talk in the morning, 1-3/4 hours talk in the evening. But in short order I was enthralled with everything he said. The only word to describe him is "thrilling".

I cheated, by the way. Instead of one afternoon meditation, I stayed in my room and did Holosync. It didn't seem like a compromise to me. And in my free time I sat on the edge of an outdoor Zen Temple and stared into woods. (I live on a barrier island where there are only shrubs and waves.) I'd focus on one leaf of one tree and at the same time be aware of every other leaf, all in motion, a sea of flutter. Nature is so much more beautiful and complete than anything human made.

I look forward to meeting you at Level IV, Lisa.

May you be filled with lovingkindness,
May you be well,
May you be peaceful and at ease,
May you be happy.

David

[Frank]

David!

Thanks for reporting on that Adyashanti retreat at Omega Institute. This past June I attended the weekend retreat for Pema Chodron and thought very seriously about also attending Adya's. I even wrote about it here trying to rally the members to meet there as a group event, half kiddingly and half serious.

I bet it was great. I very much enjoyed the tranquility of the area. I remember first when being in silence and some people passing by were talking, perhaps workers, I would be annoyed with them. Then I learned that they were my teachers, helping me to learn to let go of judgements.

I did Holosync during the Chodron retreat, too, but mostly to fall asleep to..

Curiosly, you used the phrase "hungry ghost" in the reply above. Can you better define your impression of what that exactly is. I want to be sure I'm using it in the right context. Tnx.

Frank

[David Wheelock]

HI Frank,

My use of hungry ghost was of wanting something I don't/can't have. In my case, the wanting stands in the way of having: I want self acceptance. The "I" wanting stands in the way of the having. But I don't think I was using the image correctly. I think it has more to do with not being able to get enough of, rather than longing for something. (There is a difference, isn't there?) If memory serves me, the hungry ghosts had large stomachs and tiny mouths and throats. I suppose it implies greed, but I think of it more as an existential, unsatisfiable longing. Isn't that one reason we're all using Holosync?

Boy, I'd have a hard time finding out my teachers were chatting it up to help me let go of judgments. I'd let go of hearing the chatting for much stronger judgments about their method! (Do you think I might have a little problem with humility?)

Thank you Frank.

David

[Frank]

Regarding 'hungry ghost', I heard Genpo Roshi use this term quite a bit and I think your definition and his match up pretty closely, but I do like how you said that wanting creates a resistance to having, or at least to the satisfaction of having. I think Genpo's words would be you never take it in, never own it and so you stay hungry. Tnx.

[Lisa]

My remedial and gifted comments were an attempt at humor. But it does remind me that I tend to put myself down, and even joking that's probably not very resourceful. So I appreciate your pointing it out. I am not sure I would seek out silence. I crave contact and interaction with others. I admire your dedication and wish you well in your journey.

[David Wheelock]

HI Lisa,

Thank you for your honesty. I didn't think of your first response as one downmanship, more as a down to earth statement of where you're at. I meant my response to it as respect for my perception of that place.

Take care,

David